Completely out of ideas? Write a book made up of awful NaNoWriMo tips. That stuff sells better than fiction anyway.
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Don’t know how to tie up all the loose strings? Have your novel end in a deus ex machina with the main character waking up in the morning and finding it was all a dream!
Writing a fantasy novel and need to know what your world looks like? Just throw some macaroni on the ground and there’s your map!
Why say it’s nighttime when you can say it’s quarter past twenty-three o’six in the evening, twenty-four-hour time, Eastern Standard time?
Want to say something is good, but need a stronger adjective? No you don’t. Just increase the amount of goods to show the relative goodness. For example, cheese is good. Kittens are good good good good good good… etc.
Tired of having too many characters? Kill off a tertiary character. You can spend a whole chapter describing the protagonist’s lament.
What’s for dinner? Make sure to go into excruciating detail about the recipes used in each dish. Even poor wanderers have time for a five-course meal.
Add at least ten new characters each chapter just to keep things interesting.
Switch point of view in the middle of a chapter just so your love interest can describe how exceptionally talented and gorgeous your self-insert is.
Make sure to describe the exact blue of your love interest’s eyes. Are they crystalline ice? Icy crystals? Aquamarine orbs of crystalline blue stormy waves that are sort of like yours only blue-er? Debate the exact quality of blueness every time they enter.
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